The Dark Forces Within

The first 17 weeks of my pregnancy were miserable.

I was nauseous everyday, all day. It seemed as though an energy vampire that fed on creative juices came to visit me every night in my sleep to steal my glow.

I came to a point where I felt I had to accept that “this is who I am now”.

During this time, I had the pleasure of working with Emily Eldredge of The Drawing Out Process.

I remember, she called me to introduce herself and her work to me. I had never spoken to this woman before in my life and about 5 minutes into the conversation I am bawling.

Hysterically. Snot running all over the place. Doing the crying thing that sounds like you have the hiccups – you know what I’m talking about.

Apparently Emily was the first one who I had opened up to and been completely honest with about what I was experiencing during this pregnancy.

Those first 17 weeks were the closest I have ever come to experiencing depression.

I felt like I had lost the Megan I had grown so fondly of and might never get her back.

During my Drawing Out Process Session with Emily, we got in touch with the sad side of myself that I had been ignoring and trying to repress for fear of what she might say or do.

Have you ever seen United States of Tara on HBO? It’s a series about a woman who has multiple personality disorder.

That is kind of what the session felt like for me. I named this part of myself, Shelly. And we began talking to Shelly about why she was sad, what she wanted and how I could help her.

The answers I got were remarkable.

Turns out this scary, dark figure inside of me was actually a scared a little girl who felt pushed in the corner and ignored.

She didn’t understand why she couldn’t be “colorful like the other people“.

What I got by the end of the session was relief and celebration.

The shadow side of me, (as Debbie Ford likes to call it) Shelly, if you will – just wanted space in my life to be heard and acknowledged. Nothing more.

Consistent change needs consistent presence.  – Laura Hames

 The session I had with Emily was in January. Since then I’ve had to make time in my life to acknowledge my shadow side and give it a voice. Consistently.

Otherwise I’ll just get all backed up again emotionally. No thank you.

If you’re feeling consumed by the dark-forces within you. I highly recommend checking out Emily’s work. She’s hosting a special this month (through the end of April) 50% OFF.

A 2 Hour Session for just $75.00  it’s more than worth it.

I think of Shelly often. The difference is that now when I think of her, I smile instead of shudder. And my life is better because of it.

Photo Credit: Amy Palko