I can’t remember how long it’s been going on, but for at least a week I’ve been feeling a lot of feelings. The New Moon in Pisces that took place on Tuesday, March 8th is prompting us to let go of old patterns, the ego, and is asking us to heal wounds we’ve been carrying around for far too long.
I have been feeling this. My body has felt heavy with the weight of all the ways I have disappointed myself and those around me. My heart has been in knots for all the things I feel I’ve done wrong and my head, swarming with ideas of never good enough, never gonna be good enough. Never gonna come close.
Luckily, I have lots of magical people in my life, who hold me accountable for who I desire to be. And who have dreams, so big, my walking away, my failure, is simply not an option because of the role I play in their manifestation.
The heaviness was intense. And while it did go on for a few days, in my past, it would have lasted a month. I only recently realized that in too many ways, my whole life, I’ve waited for someone to tell me I could do better. I follow through with a project to a level of comfort that feels easy, and when it gets to be too much, or when I just don’t want to try harder, I call it done or leave it unfinished.
But when you want to play a bigger game, when you want to receive more and give more, and I do, you can’t just walk away. And the people who surround you, who are confident and who have their shit together, won’t tolerate mediocre. And suddenly, easy is no longer an option. My dream became more important than my comfort zone. And I had no choice but to push through and prevail.
In the end, I surprised myself. Through the rollercoaster of emotions I experienced in such a short period of time, I really saw where I was cutting myself short. Underestimating my own potential before I even had a chance to see what it was like to show up in something and give 100%. No giving into doubt, fear, self-loathing. None of that. There’s no time for that. Confidence. Trust in the self. 100% that you got this, and not only that, but you’re gonna kick ass doing it.
That’s the jam I’m talking about.
(Thank you to the people and Guardians in my life who contributed to this awakening. I am grateful.)