Forgiving Our Mothers

I was sitting in the living room sometime last week when my roommate, Heather walked in.

Often times we are unknowingly sacred space holders for one another. Giving each other permission to be open, honest and vulnerable without ever actually trying.

This particular morning tears and words flooded out of me that I didn’t know I had in me.

I’ve been struggling with “death” ever since the last few months of my pregnancy. Suddenly it seemed as though I had so much to lose. An amazing husband, my baby, and the experience of them having me in their lives as well. 

It’s been too much to think about. Some of it, I’m still processing. I’ve found my peace in knowing that we are all really one.

And even though death is inevitable – it is not a means for separation, but rather becoming united once more.

Another thought that occurred to me whilst being vulnerable with Heather is the immense forgiveness I felt towards my own mother.

If you’ve been following me online for a while, you know that up until about a year or so ago, my mother and I struggle in getting along.

As cliche as it sounds, having my own child has opened my eyes to a world of forgiveness and acceptance.

Even though we have children – we’re still the same people we’ve always been.

It’s not as if the baby is born and suddenly we become perfect human beings with no faults and have all the answers.

Quite the opposite actually.

Having a child has made me realize how little I do actually know. And how much there is still left for me to experience.

I have a new forgiveness for my mom because I know that all the things she struggled with before I was born and continued to struggle with after was/is part of her journey.

It doesn’t make her bad or wrong. It just makes her human.

As parents, we are always only doing the best that we can. And at the end of the day, we hope that, that is enough.