Today marks the end of the second week of Sawyer’s Pre-K Adventure. He had one day this week where he didn’t cry at all when I dropped him off. Though, I’m pretty sure it was because he was distracted by the rain and umbrellas.
As resistant as I’ve been to routine my whole life, I am really enjoying the consistency of getting up in the morning, preparing us for our day, Dropping Sawyer off, and having a definite about of hours to myself for my ever-growing and changing to-do list.
No matter how much he cries at drop-off, when I pick him up, every day, he says “I love my school”, or “I had the best day ever!”. Which SO soothes my concerns about whether we’ve made the right choice to put him in school this year or not.
Your Spirit Sparkle, opening soon!
At the end of this month, the brand new Your Spirit Sparkle space is scheduled to have construction complete. Which means we’ll be moving in, and ready to open at the beginning of October! This is both incredibly exciting and simultaneously terrifying.
When Heather & I had the Your Spirit Sparkle space open last year, we were upstairs above another business. We didn’t have our name on the door, most people didn’t even know we were there. The ladies who found us either saw our dry erase board sign on the street, or our event listed on Facebook, or one of their friends had told them about it.
We were low-key.
On the down low.
Our new, amazing, gorgeous, magical space is right in the middle of one of our busiest streets. In fact, Ennis (the town we live in) is currently undergoing a lot of restoration. In three years our downtown is going to look and feel completely different. And our new business location will be right in the middle of it all.
You get why I’m nervous now, right?
So not only that – but I’m also now the president of our (slowly) forming Downtown Merchants & Friends association. Needless to say, whether it’s true or not, I feel like a lot of eyes are on me.
It’s very interesting to observe this in myself as everything has been unfolding. I remember stumbling into the healing/online world around 2007 or 2008. And for as long as I’ve been aware that something like healers or coaches existed, I saw myself as another Gabrielle Berstein, Danielle LaPorte, Marie Forleo.
I wanted the large audience to speak to and hug and love on. I wanted to lead courses to thousands of people at a time and I also wanted (what I perceived to be) financial stability that comes along with all of that.
Since then, I’ve had the privilege of working for some women as a graphic designer, web designer, and community manager, that have indeed had followings like that. I’ve seen what goes on behind the scenes. I’ve seen the pressure an audience like that brings in so many different ways.
The Desire for Fulfillment
After coming upon these realizations just over the last year, I’ve started to separate myself from the belief, or desire that this was something I wanted.
I started questioning – was this something I actually wanted or do I just feel that pull of needing/wanting to be in the limelight that seems insisted upon us by society? I started bringing my awareness to the smaller jobs that people do, in really big ways. I started asking why I wanted a larger audience, and what am I telling myself would be different if I did have that?
I began to come to a different knowing. A larger audience stopped being my motivation. It’s not even my desire anymore. This shift happened right before we moved out into this wonderful house in the country.
I felt my life come closer to me. I took my gaze from looking outward, searching for what I was missing, and I put my head down to see what was all around me. My friends, family, my community. A new-ish business I’m cooking up with two of my best friends. A world of magic right before me, calling for my attention.
Not some thing off in the distance I can never seem to grasp.
And as this shift happened, and I now find myself a month away from moving into our new space to offer meditation, massage, oracle readings, and more – to an audience that is right at our front door.
Living in this world is such a paradox of experiences. When you’re chasing after something, it always seems to be just out of reach. But when you surrender the chase. You let go. You allow for a new perception to find you, and then what you were chasing ends up finding you in a way you never knew you needed. A paradox, yes – but magic, too.
What I’m really wanting has nothing to do with how many people know about my business. What I want is fulfillment in all ways. I want to be filled to the brim, body and soul, with joy and love in all areas of my life.
That’s what I’m calling in,