Hating Ourselves & Other Things

Hating Ourselves

I know someone who is in the throes of struggling with the deepest depression of their lives. They can’t see a way out and don’t know how they got to where they are. They wish it was all different than it is. Angry at their self for allowing it to happen and not knowing how to find relief.

There’s someone else who wants something more and thought it would be here by now, and is ready to give up entirely because it’s not. Left thinking they are undeserving, unworthy, and must have messed up somewhere along the way to skew the odds against their favor.

Another person is afraid to make the wrong choice so instead, no decision gets made at all. The repetition of the tailing-chasing standstill makes them dizzy and puts a knot in the stomach. They are mad at themselves for not being able to break free of the cycle and fear this is what the rest of their life will look like. 

And me… well. I’ve been a creature of change my whole life and for most of that time, I’ve criticized myself (and received comments from others) about how quickly the wind of which I’m riding on, shifts. It’s looked different throughout the varying stages of my life and I’m not always aware of when I’m talking down to myself about it.

But when I do finally notice, there’s only one thing that brings me peace on the matter..

I stop pushing against. 

Stop wishing it were different.

Stop telling myself how stupid I am for not getting over this already.

Stop hating what is so.

Stop being angry at myself for not knowing how to create change.

It’s only in acceptance of the circumstance and moment before you that a river for peace can form. 

And somehow, mysteriously from that space, a new way of being actually does emerge. 

We must be patient. This is part of our ever-evolving story. There’s no reason to hate any piece of ourselves just because we don’t understand it. We can start to love these parts of ourselves in small ways, one moment at a time. One thought at a time. Take a breath and find some relief.

You’re doing great. ♥