For over a week I’ve been ill. First a mild case of food poisoning (I’m guessing) and then some weird cold thing that is mostly gone, but still lingering. I rarely get sick and when I do it’s such a slap in the face of how much I take feeling well for granted. The moment illness shows a sign of passing I’m kissing the ground beneath my feet like I’ve laid eyes on it for the first time.
I want to be that grateful all the time.
When my illness let up, I went to get a mani-pedi. I decided to get solar nails with glitter. There was a moment when I thought to myself; “is this too much?” But as the lady began to create her glittery masterpiece I thought to myself, “why do I love this so much?!” and I was reminded of something the gorgeous Jo Anna Rothman said, “who are we to deny ourselves of pleasure?” (or something to that effect.)
So here’s the truth (as if you didn’t already know) I am a glitter-enthusiast, rainbowtastic, unicorn riding, glitter jelly bracelet wearing, pink haired, virtual goddess. I love rainy days, swimming pools, roller skating, trampolines, watercolors and the ocean.
And it feels damn good. Srsly.
Something inside of me opened up after being sick. For a long stretch of time I couldn’t find the space to be vulnerable. Everything I was saying and doing (especially to my husband) felt harsh, hard and sometimes, even mean.
I saw how I was acting and I knew I wanted to stop. But no matter how hard I tried it just kept coming out. Obviously there was something in my that needed to be released. Whatever it was, now I am relieved. And vulnerability feels so much better. Authentic and real.