I’m over that now.

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I wanted a fresh start for my writing. I have so many half-used websites and incomplete journals. But still, the craving for a blank canvas calls to me and I eagerly (but not so rapidly,) answer. I want to spill out my thoughts without hesitation or self-criticism. I want to list out my joys, and celebrations, and complaints. And I don’t want to care what anyone thinks. (still working on that one.)

My day goes like this…

Angel Number 444, “There are angels – they’re everywhere around you! You are completely loved, supported, and guided by many Heavenly beings and you have nothing to fear.” from Doreen Virtue’s Angel Numbers 101 book.

4:44 PM was the time when I was reading this blog from Stevi.

She said, Megan. She is hard to put into words. She is calm. She is wild. She keeps me grounded and helps me find clarity. She is up for adventure and always down for a good time. She feels connected to the ocean and the desert as well. She is balance. She is love. She is my best friend.” 

Wow. Could I be any cooler? Haha. 

But really, I don’t remember the last time I felt cool. Or that I was all that awesome. It comes and goes, but it’s fleeting. This… I will hold onto this. Thanks, Stevi.

I know all of the Spiritual teachings I read say, “Live in the moment!” and I totally understand the beauty of that. But when all I can see, or feel is the moment, and the moment isn’t all that awesome. Or maybe it is, but I still feel suffocated.

It’s refreshing to remember that I am not only made up of this moment, but the millions of moments that are my lifetime as Megan Monique Lewis. There is great freedom in that.

It reminds me of what I read in this post, My Lunch with the Spirit of Robin Williams by Susan Lander,The way I passed is irrelevant. I lived and I laughed and I cried a lot, too. I enjoyed my life and had fun. But I bought into an illusion, as people have been doing for centuries. Like The Parent Trap, I got caught up in “The Illusion Trap.” I got caught up in my story and so did people around me—but that’s so often the case when you’re human. A pill doesn’t fix things—the heart does. Like Bounty—the Quicker Picker Upper. 

Feel good about your life. Say ‘I am blessed’ because you are. I had many wonderful years, so you can’t say my life was a suicide and that’s where I leave the conversation. I made people laugh. I loved the people in my life and had rich, full relationships with them. That was not a suicide. I left the earth, instead, with love.”

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(I was hiding in this last picture due to my massive pimple.)

I’m not gonna lie, the “mommy hat” can be a bit much for my lighthearted Spirit at times. I’ve had to give myself the space to fall in love with the routine and ritual of our day to day life. Mostly, I’ve had to remember that I can change the routine up any time I want. It helps that Sawyer is the funniest person I know. In between the breaks of insanity I’m usually laughing.

I’ve been doing some inner-work around something specific for over a year now with a variety of healers and coaches (Jo Anna RothmanCaroline BobartMargaret ClenchStephanie Perkinson, and Janet Zaretsky). Every time I get a grasp on the thread, I’d start to pull and it turns into something else. Right now, and perhaps it always has been, a conversation of how I value myself and how that shows up in the work I do,  money I make, and the relationships I hold.

I don’t have any solid conclusions on this just yet, it’s kind of like trying to hold sand in your hands. This maybe the stickiest soulwork I’ve ever done. All of the healing up until this point has been a magical peeling back of the layers. Through these sessions, I have softened and I have released countless unserving beliefs I’ve held in regards to my self and my success.

I haven’t written personal pieces in a while. Some of what I was going through teetered on the line of shareable and not. If you see me on a day to day or weekly basis, or attend any of our local events you’ve heard it all! But posting online? 

I’ve stuck to writing messages that enchant my life from Spirit and left the personal out of it. But I’m over that now.

Let the writing com·mence! 
Megan Monique

6:34 PM

PS. More celebrations include this amazing love-post from Alyece, I got my car registered, finally exchanged those mis-printed checks I’ve been holding onto for over a month, got my brows waxed, AND made it to the grocery store when there was still food left in the cupboard.

 
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