It’s still dark outside. I wake up to Sawyer, who slept on the couch last night, telling me he’s hungry. We fall back asleep.
Daylight is rising and my eyelids feel heavy. Out of bed and I make my way to the kettle and French press. Coffee first.
A friend stops by with breakfast tacos. She’s been out of town for two weeks. It feels good to see her and catch up on her journeys. The places she takes her life always surprise and intrigue me.
I move through moments of longing for her financial freedom, sense of self and confident nature. Knowing how to make money seems to come easy to her. A feeling I find fleeting and mostly absent.
I often wonder if the freedom of financial abundance is simply not part of my path. The Divine Light within me tells me that thought is false and I just haven’t given myself enough time yet.
The deepest appreciations birth from time spent experiencing the absence of what it is we desire.
I spend some time on the front porch swing starring out into my countryside life. Processing. Tears roll.
The contrast shows me the places within myself in need of healing.
Everyday brings something new and different. I do my best to focus on rolling with the tide and finding appreciation and acceptance for what is so.
Some days are easier than others.
My Angel of a father came to pick up Sawyer for a few hours and dropped off his vacuum (ours needs to be cleaned) and some chicken Alfredo he made. Thanks, Dad! They brought his soccer ball along for some grandpa/grandson practice time. Sawyer’s first game is coming up on Saturday.
Wrestling feelings of inferiority amidst twirling and shoveling leftover spaghetti noodles into my mouth.
Doing all the laundry.
When I look in the mirror, my face seems puffy. I’m not drinking enough water.
Doodling and mapping the month out in my Passion Planner. Drawing is cathartic.
Heather brings me Starbucks. We color in the October edition of Hello Dawling, a monthly booklet we’re producing and printing. She pulls some cards from Colette Baron Reid’s Wisdom of the Oracle. Some of my heavy energy clears. More tears fall. She helps me fold my laundry.
Sawyer arrives back home as we’re wrapping up our time together.
I shuffle around some more laundry and slide my self under the covers. Thinking about how interesting it is how many realms of emotion a person can go through in one day.
Sawyer does a sommersalt into bed with me and crawls under the blankets.
Freshly vacuumed carpet in the boy’s room. The best.
More laundry. This time it’s Sawyer’s clothes. He hangs up his shirts. The Mister joins in at the end. Things move so much faster with a group effort.
I feel old, familiar stirrings rising within. A longing to be seen and .. adored. But what is that really? And isn’t that something we all want?
The Instagram explore page. The best imagery finds me. My favorite social media to use.
Sawyer is asleep. Tomorrow’s calendar is in place. Last load of laundry in the dryer. I’ve come down from the wave of dispair I found myself swimming in earlier. Tomorrow holds hope and I love the journey my Spirit goes on while I sleep.