We’ve had the Your Spirit Sparkle meditation and massage space since January 15th. It was only today that I realized I’ve spent most of the time having the space, and not really allowing myself to fully fall in love with it.
On Thursday, we rearranged and dusted, and brought in some new colors for the changing of the season. When I left our newly organized meditation room, I felt refreshed and connected to the space. It reminded me of how I felt when we first moved in. Excited. In love. There really is nothing like creating an empty room to feel full of heart and good vibes. It generates inspiration and focus in your body, mind and spirit.
I love interior space. (My Pinterest account confirms it.) Since I’ve been a teenager, rearranging furniture and painting walls have been my creative outlet. .. okay. Starting to paint the walls and then luring someone else in to help me finish it is my outlet. 🙂
(the one accent wall idea changed my life!)
Somewhere between the moving into Your Spirit Sparkle Ennis, and 8 months later – I got caught up in the details of paying bills and figuring out how to get people to show up to our classes that I forgot how it is to let myself, really be in love with this time in my life.
Never will I open my first local business again. Which has been stepping stone for me not only professionally, but as a wife, mother, daughter and friend as well. The amount of time I had in lessened. I had to make the switch in working solely from home to part time home, part time office.
It’s much different when you’re making your own schedule. You are the one accountable for how you spend your time. If you’re not in the right head space for making those decisions. Or if you’re just learning to make those choices for yourself, a whole whirlwind of Ego and assumptions come tumbling in. You’ve been warned.
But they’re totally beatable… err… lovable. Because we love stuff away in gratitude over here.
For some reason, as we were beginning, I placed less value on the work that I am doing versus that of other people (included my husband). He is the bread winner at the moment after all. (Which I am eternally grateful for.) And in this world, what we’re taught is that money equals relevance. Money equals value and importance.
So, with me making less, I found it difficult to stand firmly and confidently in what was I feeling called to do. I did it anyway, of course. But with much resistance and hesitation. One of the many layers on top of why I haven’t been enjoying what we are creating fully.
This whole year for me, and a little before then, has been a lesson in how I value myself.
Slowly, but surely, one limiting belief is disappearing at a time. I’ve had to give up assuming what others were thinking, and just straight up ask. I’ve started asking for more money. I’ve began to build my schedule and my relationships in way that really support me. It’s easy to feel like you’re failing everyday when you’re functioning off a very unorganized and ever-growing to-do list.
It’s taken some reprogramming to get my brain on track with what I actually know to be true. And trust me, I’m not always where I want to be with this. But I’m not giving up. Because regardless of the sometimes stickiness of it all, I can still see the Light shining so brightly through the other side – all the perceived struggles fade away.
God is number one. The Divine Universe.
and that’s really all that matters.
As I get older, there are moments of my life I reflect on more frequently. Particularly my time working for Lissa Rankin, where I think, “Man, if I had only realized the opportunity that was available to me at that moment.” I know, it all happened as it was intended, blah, blah, blah…
But bring that lesson to the present moment and I’m totally repeating the habit.
I am here. In this AMAZING life I have built for myself, (with help from MANY others) and all I can do at times is feel heavy with responsibility.
There is so much about life right now, about all of our lives right now, where we have the opportunity to fall deeply in love with what’s happening around us.
To let it soothe our souls rather than fill our to-do lists.
There is another small piece to this story::
The idea of that I hold back my love actually came to me before we rearranged the space, but in regards to my relationships and home. There is a part of my make-up as Megan Monique Lewis, that allows me to be very go-with-the-flow.
It’s actually something I’ve prided myself in for some time now.
But somewhere along the way, my willingness to change directions with ease, kept me from making the full connection of deeply loving (everything) because… if the wind changed directions, maybe with a little distance between me and “this thing in my life”, it won’t hurt so much having to leave.
Everything is temporary, right?
I don’t allow myself to deeply fall in love with home or office space because… what if we don’t get to stay here that long?
I don’t nurture or care for my body the way I would like, but, I won’t be in this body forever.
I don’t take time to get fully present and in love with The Mister each day, because, someday, we’re both going to die. And Sawyer will too.
I’ve unknowingly (until now) let the impermanence of life keep me from experiencing it fully.
All of these moments gone by, with me only half-way loving. My future is clear now. I must love deeply anyway, and heal through the pain should it come. Because nothing last forever, and every moment is ours to savor.
I don’t know about you, but I want to make as many memories as possible where I’m loving to-the-brim, myself and others.
I’m choosing that I’m worth it. That this lifetime is worth loving. You?