Old Habits Die Hard

This morning I was standing over the sink washing out baby bottles and I had a wave of gratitude wash over me.

I was thinking how great it was that we started Sawyer on a formula breast milk combo.

He ate so often, giving him formula once or twice a day gives me a break to do what I need to and enjoy his presence in a whole new way.

I was thinking how amazing my husband is, helping with Sawyer as much as he does. I still can’t imagine how those single parents do it out there.

And suddenlythe fear crept in.

What if at some point he eats so much that we can’t afford the formula? What if we have to struggle to make ends meet? What if life becomes harder than I want it to?

It never fails. No matter how much beauty I have to roll around in, there is always some mental gremlin that seeps in on me.

Isn’t that part of it though? No one can reach the point of pure, 100% enlightenment in our human form.

The journey is about becoming awarenot about being perfect.

The more aware we become of ourselves, the greater influence we have over the future we create.

So when I noticed my that my ego-ic thoughts were just that, ego-ic. I decided to let them go. And I moved my attention back the joy that surrounded me.

And that felt good.