It’s a windy, rainy day here in Ennis, Texas. (And I LOVE it.) The photo featured above was taken around 9:30 in the morning with a storm moving in and rain falling down, though its hard to tell from the image.
At this particular moment in my life, the physical circumstances that are in existence feel more unfamiliar than ever. I do not know what each new day will hold. (Not that I really ever did, I’m just very clear on it now.) I have no idea what’s coming around the corner or what mood Sawyer will be in. This house is new. Our business is new. And in many ways, my relationships all feel very new.
We’re not the same people we were even a year ago.
I think this is the first time I’ve spent a stretch of years growing and becoming alongside the same group of people, other than my family, so consistently and for so long. It’s not always easy. I have this desire to be seen and heard and responded to as the new person I am. The accomplishments and shifts that are happening right now in front of your face. Rather than the series of choices I’ve made in the past or the kind of person you’ve told yourself I am.
While I desire to receive that from other people, and in many ways, it is not always easy to give that to others. I struggle knowing if what I am feeling in my relationships is my intuition telling me what’s up, my own stories I’ve built up in my head, or just fears I have, creating something that’s not there.
Regardless of what is so in those situations, I always come back to handing it over to God/The Holy Spirit. If I don’t know what to do with it, it is because it is not meant for me. But sometimes those knots in my chest take more than one surrender. The older I get the more necessary it becomes for me to maintain a sense of peace and calm within as often as possible. Anything else just doesn’t feel right. And in most cases, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
Usually conversation and communication directly with the source is the quickest way to a divine solution for me. But sometimes I’m resistant to that, or sometimes the other person is. I get nervous about getting hurt or hurting someone else. And what if their complaint is something I can’t improve upon or don’t want to change. Then what?
My prayer: God, I surrender to you all the moments to you I’ve felt like an annoyance or a know it all. I surrender the moments I’ve acted selfishly or in a righteous mind. I allow forgiveness of myself and others. I surrender all judgments I’ve been holding onto keeping me from seeing the truth. I look for the Divine in each person and I let go of what I think I know about anyone or anything at all. Please bring healing to any and all of my relationships. I surrender. I am grateful. Amen.
* What I’m Reading: The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary R. Renard
Disclaimer: I write here to share my experiences and clear my head. I love receiving comments from you below, but I prefer them be a sharing of how this resonates with you. In no way is this a place for pity partying. Thank you for reading and sending me love. It is received! ♥