Today was Sawyer’s first day of Pre-K. I’m sitting, patiently, waiting for the clock to strike 2:45 so I can make my way back to the school to pick him up. I spent so much time the last two years, eagerly looking forward to when he would begin school. I’ve craved time to myself, quiet space where I could hear my thoughts and explore projects without interruption.
And today, when I left him in his classroom, screaming for me not to leave. And when I stood in the hallway crying, being soothed by teachers assuring me it would get better.. I was not looking forward to going home to the quiet time all for myself. Or getting to plunge away for hours into a project I had been dreaming of working on for so long.
I was sad.
Uncertain of whether or not I made the right decision.
Meeting up with your desires is always such a bittersweet experience.
I know there will be a day, probably not too far away, where he joyfully goes to school with no tears. But just for today, in this moment, on his first day of school – my heart aches for the growing pains of Sawyer Grey. For the changing of our relationship together and as individuals. I will love every ounce of what I am receiving in my life. But I will also honor and, for a moment, mourn, what has come to pass.
The changing of the seasons.