According to my birth chart book, and general self-awareness over the years, it is clear that my relationships and the relationships of those around me are my tool for keeping my mind open and available to gather new perspectives.
While this unintentional, (though very helpful,) collection of stored-perceptions isn’t without the occasional inner-emotional disturbance. Once the chaos has settled and I can get down to the facts, my mind is cracked open to more than what I was aware of before. I have a whole new perception, a new depth of compassion and a greater capacity for understanding.
It seems this last year, and particularly, the last 6 months, has been a lesson for me in boundaries. Creating them for myself, (unknowingly) providing opportunities for other people to do so with me, and watching friends and family members draw their own lines in the sand for what they will and won’t allow in their lives.
Boundaries play a powerful role in steering the ship that is our lives. Where and how we draw the line, defines everything that comes after that moment for us.
Earlier this year, I crossed the line with a friend. Now given, our relationship had begun to drift apart many months before this moment arrived. However, this act was the final straw.
My friend, or rather, ex-friend, ask me not to do something during a visit one day. And I, giving the situation less weight, and coming from a different perspective, did it anyways. I had a moment, a flicker of intuition, that told me not to do it. And instead of choosing to take off with an instant of intuitive lead, I carried on, shrugging it off. (Another reason to listen to my intuition more.)
Almost immediately following my action, I was contacted by this friend and asked to correct my action. I did so apologetically. But this action was received on the other end as an attack. The friendship after this moment, became null and void buy her request. And in total honesty, I feel good about how things stand at the moment.
After the initial event and few weeks after I was emotionally wounded. There were words spoke at me like venom soaking into my core wounds. Though I feel what was said about my character was false (according to present day Megan,) her words were certainly true and relevant to parts of me that I have attempted to heal and let go of from my past. So on some level, even though it wasn’t relevant to this particular happening, they were true of a version of me.
And that hurt.
I was reminded of my time living in Austin and the kind of relationships I held. I hurt a lot of people for being frivolous with my words and actions. I have apologized for what I can in those circumstances. And that’s all I can do. Forgive myself for not knowing better. And try to do better next time.
Shortly after this happened, I had a channeling session with this AMAZING woman, Jule. I needed relief from this pain I was feeling. During our late night Skype session, she presented a scenario; (roughly retold,) “Before now, when we were all souls floating in the Heavens, your friend’s soul was looking around, in need of someone to cross her path, here on Earth, that could assist her creating boundaries and you said, ‘yes! I will be that person for you.’ And your friend warned you, ‘Are you sure? This isn’t going to be a pretty situation. And I replied, ‘It’s cool. My life will be pretty cushy this go round. I’ll help you out sista!'”
We probably high-fived after that.
The suffering and conflicts and perceived “bumps in the roads” are here to show us the way. Our paths never become clearer in a moment of crisis or pain. We are awakened to what isn’t working for us. Our vulnerability comes rocking to the surface and our self-awareness becomes sharper. When those moments occur, do you cling onto the story of what happened, justifying your actions or feelings? Or do you let it all come up and boiling out and over, purging you for a reset of emotional clarity?
After the earthquake, comes clarity.
A boundary was created in this relationship between her and I, and I will honor the shit out of it. Remember, the boundaries that other people create are not meant to hurt us (although it can sometimes feel that way.) They SERVE us too. And give us permission to create some of our own. Sometimes