The Paradox of Parenting & Other Things

I place too many rules on my writing. I get all in my head about it before anything ever hits the page, and then I resist even sitting down to type out a word that isn’t made for content distribution. Somewhere along the way, I develop a craving for the perfect writing space, the perfect page, the absolute most divine parting of time and space – for me to sit down, in the quiet, and focus on just. one. thing.

But the likelihood of that naturally occurring is rare. And in the moments where it has occurred, I always choose another way to spend my time.

I want this to change. I want more consistency in showing up for the page. I want to be more persistent in showing up for my Guides and Guardians. I want regularly scheduled alone time in my calendar for retreats, that let me have some time to lay in the silence and then fill the air with sounds typing or madly scribbling out inspired ideas, and creative plans.

Angels, will you assist me with this? I surrender, I let go, I open my heart and mind the highest possible path of allowing this desire to unfold with grace and ease. This or something better. Amen, and thank you. ♥

Sawyer Grey. This kid. I don’t think anyone has ever made me laugh as much as he does. I know, that no one has ever made as angry as he can. It’s a paradox. I think that’s the hardest part of maintaining sanity as a parent. It’s a constant back and forth, between being so angry, you gotta step outside and take a few breaths because you totally lost your temper and yelled a lot, and then got embarrassed you let yourself slip (again). To being uncontrollably in love with that adorable face and quirky sense of humor, and the cutest batch of “I Love You Mommy“‘s you ever received.

It’s completely maddening, and simultaneously, the best thing ever. WTF?

The second edition of the Community Journal is published, and out there and in the hands of about 50 women all over the United States. It’s the first time I’ve ever printed something like this and in a lot of ways, it’s like my first book being published.

The process, though, showed me a hell of a lot about myself. I’ve been told that I am “too hard on myself”. But honestly, it’s hard for me to see how. Having people hold something in print, that has my name all over it – oh boy, did that critic come out. Guns blazing.

I found myself pointing out all of the mistakes as Stevi was reading. I knew I needed to get it out of my system. It was like I had to let her know (and really wanted to let everyone know,) that I am aware it’s not perfect. I see the flaws. And I’ll do better next time. We’re making this up as we go!

I can’t help but wonder how much I do that to myself. Announce my shortcomings, when really, not everyone sees what I see. I’m robbing myself of receiving the pure, untainted love others wish to bestow upon me before they can even conjure it up.

Guardians, help me raise my self-awareness so that I may catch myself before this happens. I would love to support myself as much as those around me do. Help. Thank you and Amen.

What 3 Things Am I Most Grateful for Right Now?

  1. Honest Conversations – Having them isn’t always easy, but the aftermath is always worth it. I feel better physical when I’ve shared a truth from an authentic, loving, honest place. Telling the truth is rewarding is so many ways, but mostly, it’s liberating.
  2. Energy Work – The power of our mind is amazing. Whether I’m listening to an awesome guided meditation, or participating in an energy clearing session, the effects are immeditately wonderful. I have cleared away so much resistance and baggage I had in several areas of my mental game. Doing this regularly makes my life in this time and space so much better.
  3. Amazingly Awesome Clients – In addition to Your Spirit Sparkle, I do graphic and web-design. This isn’t something I really put out there often. I’ve been lucky enough to have clients find me through word of mouth or google, always at the perfect time. Over the years I’ve gotten choosier with my clients. It’s so important that whomever you team up with is on the same page as you. There are someone(s) out there for everyone! I’ve had a handful of ongoing clients for some years now and I am so very grateful for how they show up our relationship, and for how they allow me to show up as well. Again, honest communication is key! Special shout out to Jo Anna & Briana – love you ladies to the moon and back! Thank you.

Please take a moment to answer this question for yourself in the comment area below. I love hearing from the loving souls who read this. What 3 Things Are You Most Grateful for Right Now?