I know I’ve only been mom-ing now for a little over a year, but I’d be cheating myself if I didn’t take the time to make notes on my own experiences and reflections of this crazy game called parenting.
Recently Sawyer has discovered his voice. And what I mean when I say that, is that he can scream so loudly when he wants something I can feel my ovaries shrivvle up and POOF into a cloud of dust.
I went to Walgreens last night to stock up on some collaging supplies and decided to take Sawyer with me. Not even a quarter of the way into our time there, he starts to scream. I carry him through the rest of the store until we leave because I can’t. take. anymore. screaming.
Don’t get me wrong, Sawyer is a relatively well-behaved and enjoyable child.
But each new phase of his life brings new ways of being that we (even Sawyer) have to continue to adjust to.
So I’m sitting out on my porch this morning after lovely Aunt Doris comes to pick him up for the day, thinking of the work that I want to get done while I have some time to myself and the thought occurs to me, how do we separate ourselves, our identity from our children when they’re experiencing something that is completely misaligned with who we are.
I recall several times, I’m sure you can too, where you see “those” women in the store with the child screaming at the top of their lungs because they can’t have the chocolate milk they so badly want. We try not to stare and in our heads, we are thinking “please shut that kid up”.
But now that I am here in mommyhood, so dumbfoundedly aware that I have little control over what Sawyer does and ESPECIALLY how he behaves at this stage in his life, I worry – will I soon be perceived as that woman that can’t shut her kid up in the store?
Upon further contemplation, I have come to the realization that I am not my son. And other mothers are not there sons or daughters. I know I am doing the best that I can, and I can only assume that other parents are too.
To all the Moms with screaming kids in the toy isle – I salute you. This shit ain’t easy.