As of late, my skin has become rather thin.
I am more sensitive. Soft. Open. Vulnerable.
There was a period of time not so long ago when someone, a dear friend, was sitting across from me sharing their deepest gratitudes for my presence in their life.
And I couldn’t feel a thing.
I was grateful for them sharing. I could appreciate that. But I couldn’t FEEL the gratitude in my bones. I couldn’t fully receive the love she was sharing with her words.
One day even more recently, I surrendered. Fully surrendered. Again. For the second millionth time in my life. I said out loud to my spiritual mentor Mali, whom I hired to help guide me – I want to make my spirituality, my relationship with Spirit/God/Goddess/The Universe my #1 priority in my life.
Because I know – when Spirit comes first everything else falls perfectly into place.
That is the only way. If I want these big things I’m conjuring up. If I want to live boldly and passionately and write that book and create that community and be an awesome mom and a kick-ass wife and an amazing friend, daughter, sister (which I might be failing at), niece, employer, partner in crime, roommate, business owner, etc. etc. etc.
My spirituality must. come. first.
Post surrender, I am tender and honest and, like I said before, vulnerable. My heart is wide open and I am feeling everything.
Is this better? Somehow, deep inside me, I know that it is. That this tenderness is guiding me to what I’ve asked for. A more elevated playing field. More. Bigger. Better. Clearer. More… nower.
But for the present moment, it’s mostly just difficult and painful. I trust it. I trust the process. I know it is…. “working”.
Vulnerability is this superpower that makes everything real. It doesn’t leave room for the stories and the fear. It tears us down, loves us up and teaches that we are safe and we have everything we need, right now, to live and love and have and be everything we’ve ever wanted.
Trust the process. Be vulnerable. Let your feelings show. If you don’t know how, surrender. You will find your way.