When it’s not enough…

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Today is Sawyer’s first birthday! At this time last year, I was in the hospital waiting to see if he would emerge on his own. [SPOILER ALERT: he didn’t.]

My aunt and grandmother came for a visit and we went out to dinner. I love seeing my grandmother enjoy being with Sawyer – she was never really a kid person up until now. At least from what I can remember.

But the again, Sawyer is pretty irresistible.

Here’s a video I took this morning of me singing Happy Birthday to him when he first woke up this morning.

Last night I had a few girlfriends over for the second meeting of our MoonSister Circle to celebrate the New Moon. With help from The Mister and our roomie I created a gypsy tent in our backyard to enhance the sacredness of our evening and truly fell in love.

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I want to be honest. Truthfulness is one of my core values. I’m wiped. I feel called to work more lately, but can’t because I’m with Sawyer all day. And frankly, I’m not sure if the three hours I squeeze in for work and me time is enough each day.

I’m thinking of reaching out to someone I trust to help watch him sometimes in the day so I can work on the things that are calling to me. But really, I feel guilty. I know I shouldn’t. I know that thought doesn’t serve me. But I do.

I feel like I should want to stay home with Sawyer all day and cook and clean and make time for my business and that be enough. But it’s not. It’s not enough at all and JOY is of great value to me.

I think I just needed to say this outloud. To confess to someone. Thank you for being my ears.

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